"burned out on church"

for more than 25 years as an ordained pastor or priest, i have noticed something that i once thought was odd, but now understand to be normal. in any given worship gathering in any given congregation, there may be someone in the pew who isn't really sure he or she wants to be there. they sit alone, trying to be anonymous. if they had a cloak of invisibility they would certainly use it. they may feel shattered, burned out, or beaten up. they may be merely exhausted. they may feel dead. they may feel nothing at all. they definitely feel out of place, and some wonder whether they will ever recover. many, but not all of them, are ordained.

i've seen them sitting in the pew in congregations where i have presided, and have offered them sanctuary. "i understand. be here with us as long as you need. remain anonymous as long as you want. let yourself rest, recover, and heal. if you want want or need to talk, i'll listen. i've been where you are, and it takes time. i promise you, the sun will shine again. not today, nor next week, nor probably next month. but it will shine again. you may rest here until it does."

i've not only seen them sitting in the pew where i have presided, but i have seen them sitting in the next pew, where i was sitting... in the same condition.

here's my experience, for what it's worth.

a dozen or so years ago i resigned my pastorate and left the denomination i was in.

(setting: there were two reasons: first, for many years i had been trying to figure out "where i fit" or even "COULD i fit" anywhere in the church world. i had known for years that i did not share the modern paradigms, but couldn't find a reasonable alternative to what was available. (ultimately i landed in the episcopal church, which gave me the ancient liturgies plus the freedom to think, act and explore). second i really was burned out and beaten up from the nasty little wars in a congregation that had been chewing up pastors and associates for decades.)

i went immediately to the largest episcopal church i could find in the area. i remained anonymous. i was so burned out, and perhaps bitter (my wife says, "what do you mean, 'perhaps'???") that i felt nothing. i couldn't relate to the sermons. i felt pretty much like the recovering amnesiac in the early part of "the bourne identity" (the book, not the film). but i began to realize over a few months that God was present with me, even though i couldn't feel it... and that the weekly liturgy was nourishing me... even when i was too wrecked too realize it.

one of the things that became clear to me in my healing was that the church is a community, not a family. you can't be anonymous in a family -- to attempt to be anonymous in your own family entails rejection of family relationships and is perhaps even hostile. but communities are different: communities allow for all kinds of things that families don't. communities allow for friendships and families, but they also allow for anonymity. in communities you may participate in clubs and cohorts, but you may also retreat to the hospital or rehab center. you can't be an employee of the family and be part of the family, but you can be an employee AND part of the community at the same time. if i expect the church to be my family, and i don't see eye to eye with one member, we must sort it out or it wrecks the family. we may resort to therapy. but in a community, if i don't see eye to eye with one member, we don't really need to sort it out at all. we may continue to shop at the same market, gas up at the same station, attend the same theater, eat at the same restaurant, and live "in community" together peacefully, respectfully, and civilly. the unity of the community doesn't require us to be family -- just good neighbors. loving my neighbor doesn't require me to actually LIKE my neighbor -- just to be willing to behave like Christ to my neighbor.

church isn't about what i get out of it. showing up at church is a spiritual discipline, in which i show up on time before God, admitting (confessing) that i'm pretty much a screw-up longing for something, needing something, willing to let God do in me whatever is required for my own healing, and willing to submit to God's call in whatever is required for the healing of the world. for this task, a community is far superior to a family. i think if we surrender our expectation for the church to be a family, and view it as a community, we may find ourselves less disappointed and frustrated. we may also find ourselves experiencing more healing, and we may find there is a place for us to be of some use to that community and the world.

it turns out, surprise, surprise, that a congregation is a pretty good community to be part of, even if, perhaps especially if, one is a burned out, beaten up, former employee of some other congregation.

ps - after 4 years of healing and rehab in the new community, i was ordained in the new denomination. this is not because the episcopalians have it together any better than anyone else (no matter what denomination you're in, there's hardly anything in the world more goofy than one's own denomination). this is because God promises to be present in any community where two or three show up in his name. the burn-out and beating up can occur anywhere, but so can the healing and the rehab!

the Lord be with you.

balance in a life of ministry

A young minister in a mega-church has been struggling with the pressure she feels about not living up to the expectations of her colleagues. she wrote me and asked how one keeps one's balance in this life. she obviously doesn't realize that i spend half my life falling on my face.

in any case, i reflected on what i've learned about balance in a life of ministry. i think the following is both true and helpful.

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Dear ____,

Although one would think that working among 20 pastors would put one in the midst of a community of mutually caring, mutually spiritually minded people who are really open with one another about their difficulties as well as their joys, the truth is that developing that sort of community ("oh what a foretaste of Heaven divine") is very, very difficult, very, very rare, and and takes constant, conscious and intentional effort to create. It takes the same kind of effort, care, intentionality and tenacity that a great marriage takes. The sad thing is that everybody knows that a great marriage doesn't just happen, and requires effort, care, intentionality and tenacity, but seldom does it occur to ministry teams that this is true for ministry teams as well. So it hardly ever happens, which is a real shame, because it is possible. Tough, but possible, possible but very, very rare.

Which means that each of us must recognize that as far as the ministry team goes, we must take even more care about our own spiritual health and balance.

So, here are a few places to start thinking theologically and practically about balance:

First: The theology:

1) Remember the temptation to forget the reality of God's created order.
The doctrine of creation means a whole lot more than just what God did a long time ago to get this whole thing rolling. It also means that "the way things work in the real world" is part of God's creation. Which means that "the way things work in the real world" is part of God's intention. Genesis describes "the way things work in the real world" as "very good."

The Screwtape Letters does a great job of showing how demonic it is to separate out spirituality from "the way things work in the real world." For example, it doesn't occur to us that getting enough sleep is just as spiritual as getting enough prayer or Bible reading. We are tempted to think that sharing the Gospel is spiritual but doing our laundry is not. We are tempted to think that tithing is spiritual but saving for the future is not. By thinking in this way, we who consciously want to glorify God are easily tempted to ignore "the way things work in the real world" -- which is a way of dismissing God's created order, dismissing God's intentions, and therefore, dismissing God's will. From the demonic point of view, this is brilliant. By getting most "professional" ministers to live unbalanced, stupid lives, by ignoring "the way things work in the real world", our individual and corporate spiritual lives, ministries, and leadership are largely diminished and often cancelled out.

So theologically, we must become very aware that there is great pressure on us, even from our own colleagues, to ignore God's created order. This always, always, always leads to imbalance. Only you can prevent forest fires.

2) Accept natural limitations as God's will:
If you start with the theology of creation, then the limitations of time are no longer your enemy. They are God's will. So the fact that there are only 24 hours in a day is a good thing, not a problem. There will always be more ministry to do than can possibly get done. But if Jesus could fulfill God's will for his life in 3 1/2 years, then we can fulfill God's will for our lives in the time we have. Jesus didn't do everything that could be done, but he did all that the Father asked him to do. He didn't feed every hungry person, he didn't heal every sick person, he didn't free every possessed person, he didn't preach in every village. Yet Jesus did all he needed to do.

3) Know who you are trying to please.
There were lots of people that were disappointed in Jesus, including his own disciples, close friends, and the very people we was ministering to. Yet Jesus kept his focus on pleasing the Father, and accepted other people's disappointment in him as their problem, not his.

4) Understand the purpose of ministry.
It would be enormously easy for God to get the world's attention if he just sent a troop of angels walking up the Hudson River. Every news agency in the world would carry it live. So why doesn't God use an obvious and easy method to get across the Gospel? It certainly can't be because he can't. It can only be because he doesn't want to.

Which means that the purpose of ministry has nothing to do with effectiveness or efficiency. It must have another purpose.

And this is where the American church is confused about ministry so much of the time. We will be pressured to do more and more and more, because the American church assumes that the purpose of ministry is to get the ministry done. But if that were true, God would use effective means at his disposal. So obviously, the real purpose of ministry CANNOT be to get the ministry done. There must be another purpose.

The real purpose of ministry is transform the minister.

Illustration:
Why did our mothers ask us to "help" make cookies when we were 5? Obviously, it would have been easier on Mom had we stayed out of the kitchen. Easier, faster, less to clean up -- and better cookies. Yet she asked us to "help." Why? Because she was more interested in making children than in making cookies. Mom wanted to make cookies, for sure -- but she had an even higher priority on making us. So she chose the harder, slower, messier, and less effective way to make cookies, because it was better for us rather than better for making cookies. So what if all the cookies turned out inedible and the kitchen is a mess? Wasn't it wonderful to make cookies with with Mom? Won't we remember all our lives how wonderful it was to get to work side by side with Mom?

In exactly the same way, God calls us into ministry. Not to get the ministry done. But because our engagement in ministry transforms us. Because God is more interested in making saints than in reaching the world. God wants to reach the world, for sure -- but God has an even higher priority on making us. God intentionally chose a harder, slower, messier, and less effective way of ministry to the world, because it was better for us. So what if all our efforts for ministry show poor results, and we left the church a mess. Did we have fun with God? Won't we remember all our lives how wonderful it was to have done ministry with God?

Don't misunderstand me. This provides no excuse for mediocrity, sloppiness, poor planning, or stupid ministry strategies. It is a call to perspective. Only by understanding and remembering the purpose of ministry can we escape the demonic temptation to the sin of perfectionism. We don't become spiritual so that we can do ministry. We engage in ministry as a means of working out our spiritual experience with God. It's not about ministry. It's about our formation as Christians.

This puts our own ineffectiveness and people's disappointment with our results into a Godly perspective. So we accomplished very little in a messy way... SO WHAT? The purpose never was effectiveness. The purpose was our own transformation. We learn to become like Jesus by practicing what Jesus did.

Finally, and perhaps the most important theological understanding:
5) Don't confuse ministry with discipleship.

Some people confuse being a disciple with doing ministry. But leaving all to follow Jesus is not the same as leaving all to do something. We are called to follow Jesus, not to fish. ("You follow me... I will make you become...") He will form us into fishermen, we don't form ourselves. Our task is simply to follow him. Jesus called us into following, he never called us to into responsibilities -- not even responsibilities in a church. Discipleship is consciously and intentionally loving the Lord with all our heart, mind, soul and strength, and our neighbor as ourselves. Ministry fits into discipleship, just as does prayer, worship, getting a good night's sleep, eating sensibly, and paying your taxes. But don't confuse ministry WITH discipleship. Discipleship is not a job, nor is disciples a ministry, nor is mainistry discipleship.

Second: The practicality:

Once we are clear on the theology of ministry (that it assumes the doctrine of creation, that we accept limitations as God's will rather than as problems, that we know who we are trying to please, that we understand the true purpose of ministry, and that we don't equate ministry with discipleship), we can develop a game plan for achieving a balanced life.

Since balance is largely a matter of time, make time for a balanced life:

1) Make sure you get enough sleep. It's God's will.

2) Make sure you practice sabbath keeping as a spiritual discipline. Every week, set one day aside for wasting time with God. This is not a day of work separate from your job (this is not the day you mow the lawn, catch up on your Bible study, clean the house, catching up on your chores), but a day for goofing off with God. "Sabbath" means "rest." Sleep late. Read "Dilbert." Walk in the woods. Make love with your husband. Go sailing. Play with your dog. Have fun. Recharge.

3) Make sure you have real friends. Not just colleagues.

4) Make sure your spiritual life takes precedence over your ministry efforts.

5) Remember that you can't please God in ministry if your ministry goofs up your discipleship. Too many people in ministry are not disciples. So they have terrible relationships with their neighbors, their families, and with God -- because they spend all their time in "ministry" and too little time in consciously and intentionally loving the Lord with all our heart, mind, soul and strength, and our neighbors as ourselves.

6) Remember that most of our colleagues assume that we will take responsibility for our own spirituality, our own discipleship, and our own balance. They are not going to help us keep our perspective. We have to do this ourselves, knowing that we'll be pressured by the world, the flesh, the devil, and even our own colleagues and the church, to get out of balance.

The Lord be with you,

oops

I have been setting aside books to read during my sabbatical. These are books about faith, ministry, and theological perspective that I have told myself that I must read soon, really want to read soon, fully intend to read soon, but haven’t had a chance yet to get to them this past year. These are the books that until today I thought that I actually would read during my sabbatical.

The problem is that I just realized that I have a couple of dozen books piled up to read in 12 weeks. (My current list can be found here: Rick's Plan to Study )

Ooops.

If I weren’t spending most of my study time traveling to and interviewing leaders in other churches, I might have half a chance of getting half of these read. Every one of these books deal with some question I have about life, liberty, and the pursuit of faithfulness.

The older I get, the more exciting and numerous are the questions. I am more curious today about more things than I remember being curious about when I was younger. Hopefully, that means I’m becoming a more curious person, and not just more forgetful!

But this is one of the great blessings about being a Christian at this time in history. We have ready access to so much of the great thinking that has been done by spiritual giants of every nation and tribe, language, time in history, perspective or culture. In 1918 Young, Lewis, and Donaldson wrote, “How ya gonna keep 'em down on the farm after they've seen Paree?” The idea fits. If we expand our perspective about the world that God has made, if we expand our perspective about what God is doing, our vision will increase and we may not be able to settle any longer for the old life. We won’t believe everything we read, nor should we. But by listening, deeply listening, to the questions, longings, and spiritual experiences of others, our own soul may deepen. Our hearts may expand. Our perspective may shift.

Of course, that might be the very thing we most fear. What if our perspective is challenged? What if we change our mind? What if we discover something about others or ourselves that we don’t want to discover? Once when visiting one of my closest friends, I saw a book on his shelf that I had just read that year. My perspective on prayer had been greatly challenged by the author, and I was grateful for how my prayer experience had deepened as a result. Excited, I said, “Have you read this?” “No,” he said. “I started to, but realized almost immediately that it would profoundly change my life if I continued. And I don’t have time for that right now.”
I know how he feels. Who has time for their life to change? Who has time to deepen their thoughts, reflect on their perspective, or pursue the Christian life more profoundly? Surely the adage, “you can’t take it with you” doesn’t apply to books, does it?

So… are you reading anything new? Perhaps, like me, there is no chance that you can get your list finished this summer, this year, or even in your life. But I love swimming at the beach even if I can’t imagine swimming the entire ocean. So let's plunge in.

If you’d like to start wading into the gracious abundance of thought, perspective, insight, spiritual encouragement, check our website for ideas:
Booklist

The Lord be with you!

nicely said: Christoph Blumhardt

Children often bother us grownups, especially those of us who care about the rules of good behavior. Even Christ’s disciples became upset when children were brought to him. When children come, things happen. They want to get their hands on things, to play, to have fun. They want to be rambunctious, to be noisy. They want to be children.

Christoph Blumhardt

Church of the Beloved

this morning we met the congregation that calls itself "Church of the Beloved" in charlotte, nc. one of the most enjoyable worship services we've ever participated in. and never have we been so welcomed by so many people when we visited any other congregation.

even if you don't live in the charlotte area, it's worth a visit.

www.churchbeloved.org

the Lord be with you

nicely said: C. F. Blumhardt

Every individual who seeks the truth faces a struggle. Each of us has some sort of devil raging within, wanting to deaden and destroy something in us. We are all in danger of thinking we are doing God a service, when in fact we are just following our own will. That is why, over and again, we must tell ourselves: “Keep a tight rein on yourself! Stand by the truth when it dawns on you, even if it hurts, even when it denies everything the world has accepted as true until now!”

God’s kingdom comes through struggle and tribulation, the defiant challenging of the whole age. It is advancing, and people have no taste for it. But in the end Jesus Christ—the Truth, the Life, and the Way—will win. So let us be comforted; for the will of the Almighty shall prevail in our own time, as surely as in the time of the apostles.

phone solicitors

the worse thing about phone solicitors is not that they interrupt me during dinner, when playing with my dog, when playing with my wife, or when watching the simpsons.

the worse thing about phone solicitors is that i no longer feel guilty when abruptly hanging up on people on the telephone. "hello, is this mr richard?" "NO!!!" CLICK

if we might entertain angels unaware sometime, is it possible that i might have rudely and abruptly hung up on an angel? i doubt it -- but part of me really feels terrible when contemplating how some poor person feels when they go home at the end of their shift -- after receiving a barrage of angry rejections from those of us who answered the phone. i feel especially terrible when i think how awful your life must be, how desperate your prospects, if you feel compelled to actually work as a phone solicitor.

so it is with compassion for these people that i urge you to go to www.donotcall.gov and register your home phone and cell phone. not only do you want to protect yourself from unwanted calls, but you want to protect yourself from finding it easier and easier to treat some people rudely and abruptly, and you want to protect them from receiving your ire.

or maybe they only need protection from mine.

the Lord be with you,